by Veronique De Miguel for Mamiverse
Sibling relationships can turn from love to hate and back several times a day. You can hear them playing happily in the backyard one moment, and the next thing you know they hate each others’ guts! It’s a normal occurrence of childhood. We parents try to mediate and help them make up ASAP. However, children must learn to resolve their own conflicts. Sometimes, it’s actually a good thing to let your children argue.
LET YOUR KIDS LEARN TO ARGUE
When you see your children quarreling, your first impulse may be to separate them. But resolving their own conflicts helps children deal with other people. They will learn that if they insult someone they may be insulted or belittled in return. Solving their own arguments and fights helps them to mature emotionally and develop interpersonal skills.
Children between 3 and 10 are able to easily make up with their siblings or friends without a trace of resentment. Now the challenge lies in helping them grow up to do the same as teenagers and adults.
HOW TO HELP WITHOUT INTERVENING
- Never ask the children who started the argument. There’s no point in that; they already know it and you don’t need that information as you aren’t going to step in as judge or referee.
- Don’t give the children a solution to their argument. Let them figure it out.
- Sometimes you must be present as a mediator to encourage them to find their own resolution, especially if you need to prevent them from really hurting each other.
- Adults must give children the opportunity to resolve their own arguments, express their points of view and stand up for their rights. Development of social skills and social intelligence happens when they learn to resolve a dispute, whether it be battling over a toy, choosing what game to play or stepping away from a fight.